When Julie was born, her dad was 51 and her mum was 40.
It was the 70s and Julie says her parents were “extremely old” compared to those of her peers.
“I would go out with my dad to the shops and people would say, ‘Oh you’re spending the day with grandad today,'” says Julie, who asked we don’t use her real name, from Sydney/Gadigal Country.
“I was aware it was an unusual situation that I had to explain away.”
Julie, now in her 50s, says her experience of having older parents has shaped her life in many ways, including taking on a carer role for her mum and dad when she was only in her 20s.
She reached out to us after reading our story on women having babies in their 40s.
These are her words.
A surprise baby
My siblings were all a lot older than me, so my parents had already had a family that grew up together.
I came later as a whoopsie.
They really enjoyed me, but I felt like I missed out on being part of that nuclear family.
Because they were older, I stood out like a sore thumb.
Of course, it’s much more common to have older parents now.
It was a difficult childhood in that there was a lot of religious abuse.
My dad loved how he knew how to love, by providing what we needed. But he wasn’t the nicest.
My mum made up for that with her very loving, nurturing and affectionate nature.
I knew I wanted to have children earlier
I have two children and I was very fortunate to have them before the age of 40.
I don’t judge people who have children later in life, but it was important to me to avoid that because of my own experience.
And they are close in age because I wanted it that way, rather than what I had with big age gaps with my siblings.
My parents weren’t particularly well people, and I didn’t want to burden my kids with that while they were young.
I know you can never guarantee that; you can have young parents who aren’t well.
But the likelihood increases the older they are and the more help they will need.
The weight of caring responsibilities
The mental and physical toll of caring for my parents was great, increasing as time went on.
My carer role began in my 20s and continued for more than two decades, during which time I had my own family and became a working mum.
I managed their finances, fixed their problems, bought their clothes, dragged my tiny children to doctors’ appointments with them, et cetera.
I don’t regret any of it, especially now they are no longer with us.
But it was extremely difficult having babies and caring for an elderly parent at the same time.
Instead of having parents helping you through the sleepless years of rearing babies and young children, we did it on our own while looking after elderly parents.
My friends the same age as me are complaining about being the sandwich generation as they reach their 50s.
I started that journey at a very young age and at a very different stage in life to my friends.
It shaped who I am
Don’t get me wrong, I was very loved by my parents and I loved them back.
I have very close relationship with my siblings, and they were able to share more of the caring burden once their children were a bit older.
Caring for my parents taught me so much, especially about giving to others and not just living for yourself.
Especially my mum, she meant so much to me.
But it certainly didn’t bring me joy to be born into a household with old parents.
