If you have a penpal, have you ever met them?
Long before the advent of web-based services and social media, Saskia Martin and Heidi Thibeault-Grainger became penpals when an international teacher exchange program encouraged primary school students to write letters to each other.
After three decades of letters, emails and social media exchanges, a chance encounter has brought the two women together for their first face-to-face meeting, and it almost didn’t happen.
Saskia Martin was nine years old when she first started writing to her penpal in Canada. (Supplied: Saskia Martin)
When Saskia heard her Canadian penpal of 33 years was visiting Sydney to attend her brother’s wedding, she was disappointed to learn it mostly coincided with her own trip to Japan.
With a one-day crossover before Heidi left the country, Saskia was elated to discover the wedding was in Coledale, five minutes north of Thirroul, where she owns a shop.
“It was almost like fate intervened because when I asked her where her brother was getting married, she said somewhere near a place called Wollongong.”
Travelling back to Sydney the next morning, Heidi and her family met Saskia at Thirroul Station.
“She brought her family to the shop and we met for the first time ever that day, which was really cool,” Saskia said.
For Saskia, meeting Heidi face-to-face was like meeting someone you had met 100 times before.
“I know all about her and her life, so we sat down for a meal and just chatted,” she said.
“It was so comfortable, and it wasn’t awkward, and I wasn’t nervous … it was actually very bizarre.”
Living the dream
Saskia remembers going to the post office to buy international stamps.
Stamps depicting images of local fauna and flora are a great way to decorate letters. (Instagram: Marionbcn)
“It would be a few weeks, sometimes months, and we’d get a letter back,” she said.
Growing up on the beach, Saskia was fascinated by her penpal’s lifestyle, which was so different to her own.
“Heidi lived on a cattle ranch in Canada with her parents, with amazing mountainous backgrounds and those sparkling blue lakes. She’d brand cows and ride horses, and to me that was like … a dream life.”
With the introduction of social media platforms, writing letters dropped away, and Saskia misses the intimacy of them.
“We would write letters with photos, and then emails came along. Now, we stay in touch via pictures and commenting on each other’s posts,” she said.
Some writers personalise envelopes adding stickers and decorative stationery. (Instagram: Marionbcn)
Saskia and her penpal often sent items in their mail, small things that brightened up the day, such as photos, cross-stitches, crosswords, friendship bracelets, maps, postcards, pressed flowers, recipes, stickers and tea sachets.
“For me, it’s never been a chore. It’s always just been really exciting to share my news and then hear someone else’s news,” Saskia said.
“I would definitely encourage people to get a penpal if they can.”
Penpal benefits
There are multiple online platforms dedicated to the world of penpal friendships that offer snail mail and online messaging options.
Melbournian Julie Delbridge was a teenager when she joined International Pen Friends (IPF), a club that will soon celebrate its 60th year. For the past 25 years, she’s been running the organisation.
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She said writing to penpals boosted emotional wellbeing, reduced feelings of loneliness and promoted lifelong learning.
“You might be sharing things in a non-judgemental way, or in a way where you feel you can open up more than you can in a social situation,” Ms Delbridge said.
“You’re forming this deep connection with someone, and you can feel like you’re best friends with this person, even though you’ve never met them.”
On Instagram @Marionbcn from Stockholm in Sweden encourages followers to introduce themselves and make a connection through her page. (Instagram: @MarionBCN)
Ms Delbridge said as a teenager, she loved the whole penpal experience, even waiting on replies, which taught her patience.
“It was in the era before the internet, and it was so much fun. I learnt so much and made many friends,” she said.
“But my parents ended up going through a very bitter divorce, so I think I psychologically removed myself a bit from that by immersing myself in the penfriend experience.”
A handmade gesture
Ms Delbridge said handwritten letters or postcards could become cherished memories and keepsakes.
A Kath Kramer postcard depicts Wollongong’s Belmore Basin. (ABC Illawarra: Sarah Moss)
“I’ve moved a lot of times over the years, and I remember throwing out a bag of letters I had from my youngest years, and I always wished I’d kept that bag of letters,” she said.
“My grandparents and parents wrote soulful and meaningful letters. It’s their own unique self on a piece of paper, so it’s great to hand-write letters.
“Older people find it good, too, because they can’t travel as they used to and it’s like travelling the world from your armchair, and they really enjoy that.”
